30 Lessons for 30
Lessons from a weird and wonderful decade.
Last week I turned the big 3-0 - an age that once felt so distant. I have read enough articles and books and consumed enough content from ladies older than me (not to mention that a large majority of my girlfriends are older than me) to know that the turning of this decade is generally considered to be really remarkable. And, overall, I'm exceptionally excited about it. It feels right. Looking back, my twenties were long. There were so many phases and adventures and changes that it is almost laughable to expect that there could be any more space to squeeze more out of it.
In honor of the weird but wonderful decade, here are 30 things I have learned and will be taking with me into this new decade.
1. You don't have to do everything; however, you do need to always be doing or working towards something in each realm of life that you care about: work, relationships, health, learning, hobbies, wealth, self, etc.
2. Exploration doesn't only happen on the other side of the world; be just as excited about traveling around your neighborhood or city. Avoid falling into the trap of only experiencing where you live when other people come to visit. Pin places/restaurants/coffee shops/bookstores/whatever on your Google Maps so that you always have a recommendation of where to go. Keep a list of all the museums/parks/music venues/activities you want to do in your area, and select one to two a month to visit or do.
3. Study the 17 UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). They are an agreed-upon, equitable blueprint and universal language for transforming our world.
4. While it may feel or seem like starting over, it really is just building another layer. You can do that. You will do that - over and over again.
5. It doesn't matter how slow you go; always be reading something. Ask others (regularly) what they are reading. Buy people books. Lend people books. Read their recommendations. Join a book club at your local bookshop or online or with friends. Subscribe to book subscriptions. Support independent bookstores and publishers. Read more women. Infuse books into your relationships.
6. Things that are worthwhile won't always be easy, but not everything that is hard is worthwhile.
7. Group texts are a fantastic (and efficient) way to stay in touch with multiple groups of friends. Stay in touch with as many people from throughout your life as you can. Be someone that brings people together.
8. Care about how your clothes and possessions were made, where your food came from, and to who you give your valuable time and hard-earned money. If things are too cheap to believe, someone else (and definitely the planet) bears the cost. Ask yourself: is this a system I want to actively participate in?
9. Not everyone shows up for people the way that you do. Don't let that change how you show up for others, don't take it personally, and don't let it make you bitter. Notice who does show up for you and show gratitude for them. Let other people's negligence reinforce the belief you have in the way that you show up for those you love.
10. Join a philanthropic board, committee, or giving circle for a cause that you are passionate about. It is a fantastic way to get involved in your broader community, make new friends, and network.
11. Not everyone is going to like you; all your friends won't like each other, and you won't love all your friends' friends. On the other hand, sometimes your friends might grow to like each other more than they do you. Regardless, meeting more people and introducing those in your social circle to each other will always overall bring a net positive outcome. Always be open to meeting new people.
12. Make music playlists for seasons, times in your life, events, and moods. It is such a beautiful way of remembering where you were, where your head was, and what you were doing. Sometimes I dip in and out of my Spotify archives to take me back to a place or a feeling.
13. "Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women." - Nora Ephron from her Commencement Address To Wellesley Class Of 1996.
14. If you are going to consume content, you may as well do some creating too.
15. No one has to fully understand every move you make or choice you take, but it will (often) make you feel better to have some simple way of explaining or discussing it.
16. Call your mum!!! (And the rest of your family). They want to know about the good and the bad and the mundane.
17. Be fearless and trusting. There are far more good-intentioned people on this planet than the media would have you believe.
18. Nothing makes you feel more on top of your sh*t than having your regular doctor's and other health-related appointments scheduled. If you haven't been for a while, it is scary in your head but such a relief afterward.
19. Pasta nights with the girls should be a recurring event on your calendar.
20. There is so much to learn. The more you learn, the more you realize how much more there is to know. Let that drive you, keep you curious, and in a consistent state of wonder. Let that understanding - that you will never know everything - seep into your curiosity about other people, other ways of being, and yourself.
21. Sometimes, it really was your fault. Learn from it and forgive yourself. Please forgive yourself.
22. Having an obsessive and addictive personality (or any type of personality) can be your biggest strength or complete downfall. Embrace the challenge of figuring out how to manage yourself and use your natural tendencies in a way that benefits you and those around you.
23. You need so many fewer things and so many more experiences than you think you do.
24. Study how to communicate. Practice communicating. Reflect on interactions and what you liked and what you didn't like. Ask people around you how they interpret your communication style and see whether that aligns with how you want to communicate.
25. Don't be overly precious with your things. Take care of your belongings, but don't avoid using, displaying, or wearing something because you are worried about "ruining" it. Additionally, if something about an item of clothing or decor bothers you at first, it is always going to bother you. Wait until you find something you welcome in totality.
26. You know that thing you keep thinking and talking about doing? Take one step to start doing it. You don't have to have it all perfectly planned out - that will come when you start doing it.
27. Use tech and productivity tools to your benefit - whatever that looks like for you. Use them to break down your goals, ideas, and life.
28. Find someone you can both plan your adult life with and embrace silliness. Don't settle for one or the other; run if you have neither. Then, when you encounter that person, create a home with them that transcends four walls and a ceiling.
29. You are more tired when you don't move your body. So aim to do something (at least) every other day.
30. People love you a lot more than you let yourself believe. Throughout your 30s, let yourself believe it.
One) Five Days at Memorial on AppleTV+: A couple of years ago, my friend lent me the book Five Days at Memorial when I expressed an interest in learning more about Hurricane Katrina. I never got around to reading the book (and obviously gave it back) so I was ecstatic when I heard it had been turned into a TV show. Over the course of about 5 weeks, Dylan and I watched one episode at a time so as not to completely overwhelm ourselves. The show is tough to watch and heavy but such an important story that grapples with the life and death decisions that need to be made when a city is struck by a natural disaster. The show centers on Memorial Hospital in New Orleans and the situation they found themselves in for five days after Katrina hit. A must watch!
Two) The School For Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan: This 2022 debut novel made waves earlier this year when it was first released but I only got around to reading it after meeting Chan at a Literary Festival in Chicago a couple of weekends ago. I had put off grabbing a copy as I knew she would be at the festival but I almost immediately started reading my signed copy when I got home. Despite the build-up, the book certainly didn’t disappoint. Frida, the protagonist, had one bad day which led to her being admitted to a year at a state-sanctioned experimental facility intended to rehabilitate mothers who are “bad mothers who are learning to be good.” At the facility, each woman is issued a robotic child with whom she must practice her parenting skills, such as hugging for an appropriate length of time, maintaining unbroken eye contact and always being the right amount of happy. They also have to learn to put all other identities aside (daughter, lover, employee, citizen) and consider themselves solely as a mother. I love a good dystopian novel and this is one of my favorites of the year.
Three) Ibeyi: I vividly remember playing Iberia’s first album on repeat when I had a radio show in college. I couldn’t get enough of the French twins dreamy sounding voices mixed with the jazzy beats of their music and the sounds and traditions of their transatlantic heritage. Over the years I have continued to follow their musical progression and their latest album Spell 31 is just as much of a treat as their debut. It is music that really makes you feel - and I don’t say that lightly.
A new(ish) sustainably-made shoe line, Ma'am Shoes that has so many gorgeous styles. Incredible essay by Jessica Knoll about the story behind and the process of creating Luckiest Girl Alive (both the book and the film starring Mila Kunis). A jewelry brand that makes pieces handcrafted by traditional Laotian artisans from Vietnam War shrapnel and other debris. The New Yorker’s list of the best books of 2022 (so far). Telling the stories of women during the Partition of India. The US Supreme Court is hearing a case this week that is seeking to end affirmative action - here is why that would be a disaster.
See you next week! Thank you for reading!
xxx